Joys in Life and Reflections

Posted by tyan (Singapore, Singapore) on 17 July 2007 in People & Portrait.

Meet this whole gang of successful applicants for babysitting my children. They came yesterday to visit.

Boys:Nicholas,Kangyang,Tin Hwee,Llyod,Junyan Sebastian,Wilson
Girls:Jieying,Weizhen,Jiayi,Yun Han,Leiyi,Kassandra and Cheryl(who are missing from the pic),Ellin,Sijia,Huiting,Yufang,Melissa,Crystal,Alison,Vanessa,Manting

(Aha!My memory is still serving me well!Havent forgotten any of your names!:))

14 of them were from 1D'05 and 9 from 2I'06. I was their form teacher for the past 2 years respectively.This year, they are all in sec 3 already,15 years old.It feels nice to watch them grow.From blur innocent freshmen into high school,i watched them bloom and mature.They are a very nice bunch of students to teach.I remember some of the girls from 1D'05 composed a Mother's Day poem for me and presented it to me last year,though i was no longer teaching them.They are just so endearing.

Some of them said they wanted to visit me,so i thought my 'advertisement' calling for babysitting applicants was working.Opened the door,the whole bunch of them held a cake and started singing me a birthday song.

I was pleasantly surprised and very touched!Felt like a star:) thanks children!

Some of the girls naturally showed their maternal instinct by helping me carry Ian around,coaxing him when he cried. I was busy with Caleb as he was woken up by the kids' birthday song and was quite cranky for a while.Lloyd started making sounds of birds and rabbits(i think!) and my,they sound really authentic!:)

I received their handmade cards and an autograph book from 2i'o6,everyone of them leaving a note for me.Seeing all of them and having their company really brought a lump in my throat!

Therein lies my joy in teaching, when you painfully toil and labour and you reap not just fruits in their academic improvement but also their affection and love.

I wonder to myself,a few years down the road,as i continue to stay at home for the kids,if i might fade into obscurity and nobody no longer remembers me.I asked hub many times if it was after all worth the sacrifice--when i could be out there,enjoying being showered with love by my students and gaining recognition at work.

I remember my boss telling me how foolish i was to give up my job to stay home. She herself has a daughter,taken care of by her maid and mother in law. She said it was such a waste to stay at home at the prime of my life,where i was doing well and have gained favour in the eyes of man.

She is not the only one who shook heads.Many others whom i shall not care to mention.

I thought hard and long and waves of doubt and uncertainty do hit me hard,especially at low times of my life and i am not yet seeing any tangible rewards of staying at home for my children.

My boss told me,be optimistic. She said, even if you did not stay home, your kid can still turn out fine.What is fine?Do well academically? Have an upright character?Deep bonding with the mom?

I counselled so many kids before who did not have and yearned so much for their parents' love and attention,they start doing extreme things to gain them.Some grew out of it,some don't.Do I want to take the chance?

Sometimes i wonder if i am missing out a lot in life by not working. King of Solomon said in Ecclesiastes that work and toil are meaningless.Sometimes i see my peers toil and pursue that recognition,that extra degree..will they last?But if i can just make a difference in the lives of my two children,if i could just be there for them guiding them and being there for them when they need me,would that also not be very valuable and in fact priceless?

I remember telling a fellow stay home mom how i felt and she said this.'The recognition and applause of men would become things of the past you give thanks for but our children need us more.Motherhood is a season in life,and once past,they do not return.Your children only live one childhood'.I hold on to her wise words till this day.

Yesterday was so eventful.In between my students visit and bringing the boys to see the doc for the THIRD time(and yes i had to pay $200 for their 2nd course of antibiotics and medicine),my mom fell at home and dislocated her shoulders.They were waiting to get a new maid and she was doing all the housework all by herself.She tripped and fell at the back yard.poor mom had to go under for a short op to get her shoulders 'relocated'.

Dawned upon me too that my parents are ageing and need us to be there for them.Realised how much sacrifice parents make for their children,more so after i became one myself.They deserve to be well-looked after in their twilight years.

This entry is for all the sweeties who travelled the extra mile(and some got lost) to visit me.Thank you for the very nice surprise,Boys:Nicholas,Kangyang,Tin Hwee,Llyod,Junyan Sebastian,Wilson
Girls:Jieying,Weizhen,Jiayi,Yun Han,Leiyi,Kassandra and Cheryl,Ellin,Sijia,Huiting,Yufang,Melissa,Crystal,Alison,Vanessa,Manting!Come by again!

Also for my mom,hope she gets well soon and please stop being a martyr.

Also for my dear hub who ferried us around,fetching my parents and sis from the hospital and for dinner.No complaints from him at all.For being my pillar of support when i was bombarded by unhelpful comments about how i shouldnt be staying at home and when i myself don trust i am doing right.

Also to Ian and Caleb--i joked that my sons must become a pediatrician and gynaecologist each because these 2 doctors made me pay through my nose for their services.Time to earn them back.LOL.

For Katherine who sent a nice big parcel,containing my favourite Precious Moments figurine.

For friends and students who sent me sms-es to wish me happy birthday.Thanks for remembering.:)

Thanks also to Fayth and Shiyun for that large cheery bouquet of sunflowers.Especially to Fayth who sent it personally to my doorstep late at night,though she has a flight to catch the next day.Thanks babe.