Tyan's Photoblog
Hard Earned Money
Posted by tyan (Singapore, Singapore) on 31 July 2007 in Miscellaneous.
My husband told me it is an offence to take pictures of real currency.That makes me a criminal then. Can somebody out there who knows better confirm it?:p
Anyway,this is a picture of me holding *cough* my hard earned money.
I am grateful to my mom who has kindly helped me get a few kids i can give tuition to. So every weekend i go to her place early in the morning to meet the kids and give them tuition while my mom and her maid help to mind the kids.Fantastic arrangement.
I have been very thankful for the extra income,though not a lot,because in times like these,even a few hundred make a whole world of difference.The money has been good for transport when i bring the boys out, for our meals, occasional treats and outings,when they see the doc and some neccessities.
The tuition also helped to prevent me from 'rusting',so that i dont forget life is more than just diapers,milk,cooking and cleaning.
It also helped to 'salvage' whatever is left of my self-esteem,it acts like a shield of defence to SOME people (of governments and the general public who think we are sophisticated beggars lobbying for government handouts; of in-laws who think we are breaking their sons' necks by staying at home,presumably to file our nails and watch daytime Korean/Japanese soaps,whichever is more in vogue now, of shopkeepers who think we are just fussy window-shoppers who have no money to pay for their goods...) Well,i am not sure if they know what they are saying when they say that because i find myself working harder than i was in the workforce.Taking care of young kids and doing menial chores,for your information,takes up a lot of energy. And it is HARD WORK. But willingly so,just to keep their mouths shut.
Sometimes it gets really depressing. You get people passing careless remarks,like,'Oh,why is Caleb so skinny now?',or 'Ian seemed to have lost weight!', or 'Why are they sick again? You should have washed your hands before going near them' blah blah.
I tell you,i take these comments personally.As if they were implying that i have been ill-treatiing my kids. As if i starved them the whole day or inject sick virus into their veins.What's up folks? And who cares whether Caleb and Ian's mommy sacrificed a comfortable job that she likes,and opportunities of promotion,freedom and a pay cheque every month; who cares whether she has grown haggard from having to depend on herself,herself and still herself most of the time when it comes to taking care of the children, and who cares whether she has had enough sleep taking care of the children who take turns fall sick throughout the night? And who cares if she fades into obscurity forever, just so that her children can grow up loved and secure with a parent they can always turn to? And who cares if she falls sick herself and has to continue to care for the children anyway? All i get in return are criticisms and unsolicited advice on how i should do better.
Anyway,it'll probably do me good not to bother too much with what other people think/say, because you know what,it's my life. Gimme a break.
Qiaoyan from Singapore
Hey Yuntian, people who criticize you should read your blog and understand how difficult it is and how much effort it takes to raise your kids. I hope your kids will grow up and appreciate you for being such a noble mum. If they don't, I'll whack them, ok? ;) Cheer up, ya?
31 Jul 2007 9:33am
@Qiaoyan: haha,buy a cane next time you come!thanks babe.:)
Bron from Canberra, Australia
tyan be secure in your parenting - you know them best and how to love and care for them. Say to yourself - "whose business is it" and know in your heart that you love the kids work hard and that they're doing fine. All little kids get sick sometimes, being a mother is hard but enjoy those little people every moment - it's so fleeting - our kids are grown. I took 8 years off paid work and we lived very frugally but I have such memories of the fun I had with them. The best years of my life! Believe in yourself. cheers :)))
31 Jul 2007 9:59am
@Bron: thanks Bron,you are such a wonderful testimony for me to get encouragement from!Thanks for sharing and yes i shall persevere and remember that many many mommies have made that sacrifice and are now reaping the fruits of their labour!:)
chacha from United States
Me too i hope your kids will grow up and appricate you for being a good mother, nice shot by the way
31 Jul 2007 11:07am
@chacha: thanks chacha!:)
Rebecca from Leicester, United Kingdom
so sorry that i'm not much help on the criminal offence point, as i wasn't a criminal lawyer (did civil/commercial litigation and some company/commercial work), and have also been out of law practice for sometime since being home (see, losing my legal knowledge already! *) .
your honesty is so refreshing and helpful, tyan, and takes so much more courage than what many people would do, ie. pretending that their lives are so perfect and superior to others. what you said (i especially liked "..staying at home,presumably to file our nails and watch daytime Korean/Japanese soaps..." - so funny, but so true!) really hits the nail on the head. from my experience, that is exactly how a lot of people view a SAHM, thinking we're some species of "tai tai". personally, i don't think my conscience or personal sense of self-respect/integrity would allow me to live as a "tai tai", sponging on somebody else whilst i live an easy life. reminds one of the'evil' aristocrats of times past living off the backs of the poor!
i totally agree with you that since stopping work in the 'outside' world, my work at home is actually harder and with far less appreciation/affirmation/recognition (& much less sleep!) than even my toughest law cases. it takes a brave soul to soldier on like this, and you are doing a fantastic job, tyan! your boys are growing up so happy, adorable & well-adjusted, and one day i'm sure they will be so grateful for all the sacrifices you've made. God bless!
31 Jul 2007 11:46am
@Rebecca: thanks Rebecca,reading your very encouraging words broughttears to my eyes..thanks for being so kind.somehow after staying at home for a while i begin to feel inferior to my workin mommy-peers.that i seem to be doing sth not as significant and the fact i lost my financial independence.i feel unsure of what i do sometimes as well.thanks again,it great to know there is another fellow soldier out there waging the same war!:)
cookie from Singapore
The ones u r talking about should be reading this blog to shut their foul mouths up!!! Do it for your boys (though u can't reap much rewards now, they will come in future I'm sure) and I'm certain they'll be grateful in years to come :)
31 Jul 2007 2:22pm
@cookie: i hope so dear, i really hope so...
Soph from Enghien, Belgium
come on, Tyan, criticy is a mark of interest. You don't have to care about the "well-thinking" people, they can't be inside you, make them read your blog!
And taking photos of money is not a crime, don't worry!
1 Aug 2007 7:09am
@Soph: thanks Soph for your advice and sharing on autistic children!yep,i'll try to think that people criticise me cos they love me,cough,haha!
@Inés: thanks Ines.you hve a great day too!:)
kairospix from Singapore, Singapore
Hey how can i give you a kit-kat ah? (Have a break, have a kit-kat) haha :)
As to taking the money shot - i think if you splash the word "Specimen" across maybe that might keep the law at bay?
It's never easy when in life you meet people who have utterly hopeless people skills and have very low EQ (and maybe perhaps IQ too haha - because they speak presumiously without thinking?)...they get toyou don't they. I know they do to me.
But bottling up is no good so it's good that you are verbalising your frustrations and letting it all out - even if those who presumably casued your self-esteem to shrink do not get to hear or read them because it can be most therapeutic... so anytime just let it all out :)
Would talking to them and lettin gthem know how you feel work? Maybe. It all depends if they are willing to listen to your side of the story and if they are empathetic to your situation or not. If they are ok bt if not maybe it's just not worth the time to talk to them for it may just add to your frustrations and may diminish your self-esteem further.
I leave you with four quotes by Eleanor Roosevelt, wife of President Roosevelt...
There are practical little things in housekeeping which no man really understands.
Do what you feel in your heart to be right- for you'll be criticized anyway. You'll be damned if you do, and damned if you don't.
You can never really live anyone else's life, not even your child's. The influence you exert is through your own life, and what you've become yourself.
No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.
Cheers!
1 Aug 2007 12:30pm
@kairospix: haha,thanks a lot K,your mini joke made me smile.
anyway,no police came knocking on my door yet,so i presume i am ok by taking pic of the $$?thanks for your kind words and encouragement.indeed,blogging has become one of my outlets since if i ever said these to my 'critics',i will be deemed as plain rude.oh well.so i don see any point in trying to reason out with them cos they wont change their thinking and they prob think i m rude by trying to tell them otherwise.so i have learnt to keep my mouth shut and vent my frustrations elsewhere.
Do what you feel in your heart to be right- for you'll be criticized anyway. You'll be damned if you do, and damned if you don't.
i really like this part of the quotation!i'll be criticized anyway!SO WHAT THE HECK!even when i was working,i'll be criticized on the food i feed my kid,the way i bring them up,etc etc...i wonder why they never criticized the nanny who was spending more time with my kid then!
anyway,thanks a zillion for popping by again and your kind encouragement..i really appreciate it. All the kind comments and words of encouragement has uplifted me somewhat!:)
kairospix from Singapore, Singapore
hmm on my screen the quotes didn't seem to come out right... hope this time it turns out ok... here they are...
There are practical little things in housekeeping which no man really understands.
Do what you feel in your heart to be right- for you'll be criticized anyway. You'll be damned if you do, and damned if you don't.
You can never really live anyone else's life, not even your child's. The influence you exert is through your own life, and what you've become yourself.
No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.
1 Aug 2007 4:20pm
sincheroo from Singapore
1st time comment! Actually, you *should* actually (1) file your nails, (2) watch the dramas to make those who can't drip with jealously. Rehearse a few choice lines to retort on irritation, "Oh, but my sons were very healthy until you touched them", or "yes, it does get very boring around the house, what do you do for a living by the way?" or "what? hard work?"... Whatever it is, be careful when you try to break lawly's neck though; heard that requires a fair bit of strength and results vary from person to person.
2 Aug 2007 12:38pm
@sincheroo: hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha....your jokes are therapeutic enough.Must tell law how you call him!LAWLY!So 'endearing'!lol
bronzebilly u.k. from cardiff, United Kingdom
hey tyan--I can't really join in this debate because I'm a FELLA-and what do fella's know hey??--however the last sentence is the one I can understand--as you say it's your life do you as you see fit--big up--billy
3 Aug 2007 12:06am
@bronzebilly u.k.: thanks billy,fellas and ladies are welcome!:)
{H} creatives from Santa Clara, United States
Hi Tyan...ditto on billy's comment...what do guys know, eh? Sorry to hear about your frustrations...but kairospix is right, better to let them out than to keep it inside...or take it out on your "lawly"...the only neck breakin' going on with Law is if you are really on top of him when you take this pic....LOL. Send regards to him, eh?
4 Aug 2007 5:31am
@{H} creatives: heh,thanks,you are very funny.:)
WEiling from Singapore
Hi Tyan,
So sad to hear what you're going thru..went thru that before n really understand the 'both ways ctiticism'. Was a SAHM till both my sons were slightly bigger before i actually went back to wk. Nobody bothers about how tired i was or how much i've put in 24/7 but kept commenting how i should go back to wkforce in order not to break my hubby's back..why my sons doesnt seems to put on weight?..bla bla bla...but when i went back to wk..guess what i face? Comments like why your sons behave like this?..why you never spend more time with them?..bla bla.. well.. Take heart my sister..i see you are doing very well n you can see that on the faces of caleb n Ian. Get in touch with like minded mummys...find inspirations from them n you may find new strength to carry on.. Dun worry, kids grow up very fast n you will really miss the time you had with them now..
20 Jan 2008 1:53pm
Canon IXUS 40
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6 mm