Caleb and Thomas the Train

@Nancy: you are right!how did you know??!!haha..sometimes i buy toys more because i like them..hahaha

@Mandy: thank you Mandy!

@Inés: thanks Inés,i am happy you like it..so what toys do Camille like?Or she has outgrown them?:)

@MaryB: wow i did not know that Thomas has been around for so long!I've never seen it till i became a mom myself...:)

@Lorraine: yeah,dont you just wish your child doesnt grow up?At least not so fast?

@Nick Passantino: thanks Nick!:)

@Rebecca: BABE!thanks for telling me,feel free to 'hyperventilate' as much as you want to![digression:when i was teaching,i remember having to counsel a girl who literally hyperventilates,i was pregnant,and she was lying on my swelling tummy and gasping for her breath and chanting sth in Japanese!I was real scared man!Thoughts like,darn,she is not cursing my baby,is she??!!]

thanks for your compliments!the room colours and kitchen colours were chosen with lots of advice from my sister,who is an architect..both law and i are really not experts in interior design,so sis was a great help!

law helped order from amazon.com 'Being There:The benefits of a Stay-Home Parent'[whats a smart woman like u doing at home was out of stock,sob],i have just started on it and this para struck me:

More than 9 out of 10 americans rank 'love' at the top of their list,far ahead of money, status, power and fame. But though the ability to give and accept love is so wished for,sought after and so important in our lives,it nevertheless seems-so much of the time for so many people-escape our grasp....

But suppose someone told you that you have it within your power, as a parent, to give your child ta magic gift:the ability to love.Suppose,further,you were told that this magical gift would do even more than give your child the ability to give and accept love. Suppose you were told that this magic would also help instill in your child other qualities, such as curiosity, creativity, energy, resilience, morality motivation perseverance and self esteem--qualities that would make for a happy and successful life during childhood and her adult years,clearly no parent would refuse this offer.

Of course,this magic gift come with a 'price'.You are told that the gift must be given each day for a few years. you are told that it is up to you to provide the young child with the postive presence of a loving,joyful caregiver who is responsive and attuned to your child's needs.....

I think we would be bombarded with insensitive and unhelpful comments like that,very often. The world around us measures everything in dollars and cents,the working mom who earns a significant income or is building a significant career,often feels a sense of value and fulfilment which she is reluctant to forego,even temporarily.The lonely mother labours at home but doesnt get any recognition nor applause,only shaking heads and wagging tongues.

But you know,Becky,though there were many moments i was hit by waves of doubt ant staying at home,both thrown by people and even myself,i am becoming more certain and convicted of the value of a stay home parent. Just to share with you, my mom is a working mom.I am the 3rd child,and i was fostered out since i was a baby until i was 7. i changed many nannies,and finally a consistent one whom by now i have lost contact with anyway. My mom told me when i was grown up,that i kept switching nannies cos i cried a lot.i cried so much that the nannies didnt want to take care of me anymore.I dont know why i cried so much,and i suppose there is no way to retreive any 'evidence' why i cried so much but i have to say that i did not have an enjoyable childhood. In fact, i was such a problem to my teachers in primary school my parents were very upset,wondered why i was so different from my siblings who did well and went to raffles.i fought with boys and did other wrong things which i am still ashamed to talk abt and bad experiences at the nanny's place which i clearly remember till now,and at a time,was so haunted by the memories.I remember even when i was back home,there were many weekends my mom left me with my auntie(her sister) overnight and i recall the look of irritation on my uncle's face--'Not again?? kind of look'.I grew up feeling rejected,and unloved.And i think till now,still an emotionally insecure person. I was converted to christianity in secondary school and found new meaning to life and with God's help to put the unhappy past behind me and move on daily with his grace and provision. And you know,Becky,i have a strong suspicion not many are fortunate like me to still turn out 'ok' even though i had such a childhood.And 'ok' in the world's eyes,is attend the elite schools,become a professional and earn good monees. But deep inside,i knew that without God,i was NOT ok. I was emotionally insecure and very sceptical of having any intimate relationships with anyone.

My childhood is one reason why i decided to stay home for my kids.I know i have no control as to how they would turn out.but i wanted to know that i have tried and that i have been a good steward of what God has entrusted to me.

You know,ever since i started stayin home this year,Law's parents have been hinting at me to go back to work. They could use anything,from the PM's National Day speech rally to their friends' daughter's kids to tell me to go back work and earn some money back.As much as i thought giving tuition could have appeased them,it didnt.Every week,they would talk at savings,abt how staying home is only for those whose husbands are rich enough...etc.I feel angry,hurt and discouraged. i wish i can live in a bubble where i can shut out the world's voices and just do my own thing.But sometimes even i myself dont think highly of what i am doing now,which perhaps explains why i struggle so much. But everyday i spend time with Caleb and Ian,i watch them grow,learn and secure in the fact that i am there for them,i realise it is worth it.

i think it is a lonely path and we need to have comrades on the way.thanks for being mine.i'll willingly be yours too.

hehe,my turn to be so long winded:)

@Vanessa: thank you so much for your advce,van,i will keep that scissors immediately:)
i bought caleb fishes last week,and he used a spoon and scooped the water from the tank and sipped it:p

@rainsocks: thanks rainsocks,i will try to find some mommy friends..AM3 blogging is quite a good way for me to destress as well,thanks for your encouragement:)
it is good that jamie will get hand-me-downs...we have to get most things 1st hand,we do have friends who loan us stuff,but have to return when their 2nd kid comes.