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Lion Head

Posted by tyan (Singapore, Singapore) on 6 February 2008 in Lifestyle & Culture.

Today Caleb has half day of school and he is supposed to bring a Chinese New Year celebration decoration item for a Show-and-Tell session.I actually saw a lion that operates like a puppet,with much vibrant and colourful colours but thought he might have difficulty operating it in class.So i bought this one,with a lion head on a stand and it pops up and down.This kind of elaborately decorated lion is one of the features of Chinese New Year.

In Chinese mythology, Nian (年兽nián shòu) is a beast that comes in spring. The Chinese word for year is based on the arrival of this beast. It is believed that it lives under the sea. It came to attack people at the same time of the year. The Chinese tradition of decorating in red, burning firecrackers, and the lion dance with loud drums and gongs was to scare the beast away.(Taken from wikipedia)

The kindy's children can also wear their home clothes or traditional costume.Caleb's ex-nanny bought him a set before but he has never worn it. He wore it today for the first time,and to my surprise,without much protest and my,he looks so handsome,haha.

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Ok,i am gonna start griping below so dont read on if you dont wish to.

I am actually feeling rather lousy about today.While most people have off days or half days because it is the eve of Chinese New Year,i have to work in the afternoon,,until 4 plus. Maybe its the nature of my 'job'. My customers are parents who didnt think tutors or their poor kids need a break or a holiday. They think tutors exist to make sure their kids ace in the subject for a pathetic sum of money, considering the amount of hard work put in.

Maybe I am just moody,from our recent flu saga and not resting and eating well..My hub asked me why I was working so hard,I dont know,i didnt have the time to think why. But maybe its good to think about it. I think i have been trying too hard to be everything, to prove to some people,that i am a good wife,mother and everything else,contrary to their belief.

When i was working,my critics asked why i didnt take good care of my husband and kids,such that they turn fat,fall sick,blah.Then when i stopped work and stayed home,they questioned why i was making my not-so-rich hub bring home the bacon alone,when living costs here are sky rocketing at a phenomenal rate.Then ok,i started giving tuition,thinking that finally,i have my critics appeased,that finally they will keep their mouths shut.Then they poured another bucket of cold water-'Dont you know that giving tuition is unstable?No CPF,and they dont pay on time!

So i finally realised that whatever i do,or not do,for that matter,i am condemned already. So why do i even bother?I dont know.Stubborn? To them,i am expected to be the perfect mother,wife,and the one who can bring home the money. They havent achieved it themselves,but yes they expect me to do it. Come on,let's face it. 'Having the best of both worlds' doesnt work here. Not in Singapore. If you have to/choose to work a regular job,then you cant spend most of the time with your kids.If you decide to spend most of the time with your kids,then you cant work.

Why do i keep chasing my own tail?Maybe because of the insecurities i feel from a traumatic childhood?That i can never do enough to get acceptance and love?That i have to kill myself trying very hard only to fall short of expectations?

And that is why i found my consolation in my faith,that we are accepted and justified by Christ through no merit of my own,but by God's grace.

Meanwhile i will learn to count my blessings that I have a part time job with some income while i can still be with my children all the time. That i can plan my own time. What a perfect situation. Let my critics say what they want. I dont have to prove anything.They dont define me.
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