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To have and to hold

Posted by tyan (Singapore, Singapore) on 24 February 2008 in Lifestyle & Culture.

We had the privilege to be emcees for a church friend's wedding yesterday and you know,you get the warm and nice fuzzy feeling whenever you see someone getting married.

Today however,i saw on the papers that the divorce rate in Singapore has skyrocketed to a phenomenal high,and in the same section,reports on wives hiring attractive women,or men hiring handsome hunks,known as 'honey trappers' to seduce their spouses just to see whether they can stand the test of fidelity.Strange things that people do nowadays.

I had the privilege of knowing an AM3 friend,Viewfinder,[uncle VF,i hope you dont mind me quoting your words of wisdom here:)]who has been married for 36 years!I asked him what his secret of staying married was, which he generously shared with me:

My parents divorced after 10 years of marriage; I was 9. That was almost 50 years ago; I still feel the pain. Divorce is destructive to far more people than just the ex-husband and ex-wife. There is much collateral damage done to innocents (like children) who happen to be part of that former family relationship. I am convinced the high divorce rate is right near the heart of why our society is in such sad shape and why gangs and senseless violence exists in such numbers. The other part of the why has to do with single moms with children/children with no known (to them) father. I read last week that 40% of all births in the U.S. next year will be to unmarried women. Between high divorce rates and men who can biologically father a child, but not be a father to that child, we are sowing the seeds of our own destruction.

You ask for some of our "secrets" for a long marriage... I don't know about secrets, but in no particular order (except for one) I do have some notions as to why and how a marriage can last...
commitment
friendship/best friendship
hard work
being positive and encouraging
knowing when to say "No!" to something
God's grace (this is #1)
love and sacrifice
faithfulness
willingness to forgive and forgive and forgive...
truth
loyalty
self-discipline
physical and emotional attraction
choosing your mate wisely
faith in God
faith in spouse
faith in your relationship
knowing yourself, your weaknesses and strengths
humility
allowing your spouse to be "only human"
allowing yourself to be "only human"
knowing that real love is far more than just a feeling
communicating well
fighting fairly
making up when you've disagreed or fought
knowing how to say "I am sorry" and mean it
knowing how to accept an apology
not keeping lists of wrongs done
understanding and embracing the truth in 1 Corinthians 13

These are just a few things I've picked up along the way. It's a long-distance run, not a sprint. Pacing yourself a day at a time is often the best way to begin to practice some of these tips. It's also one of the best ways I know to not have to go through the doors of a place like I've photographed in my post here today.
next day →

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