Tyan's Photoblog
Tyan's strange concoction
Posted by tyan (Singapore, Singapore) on 5 March 2008 in Food & Cuisine.
Thank you dear friends for coming by yesterday and showering me with such kind words of encouragement!Though i have never met any of you in person,hearing from you and visiting your blogs have become something i look forward to do everyday,a means by which i can have some 'me-time' and do something that has nothing to do with the children,for a while;)
Having said that,it is not that i do not enjoy being with my children.In fact,after staying at home for about a year now,I am beginning to appreciate the time i can have with my boys.There were many things and experiences which i derived from being a full-time mother that i will never learn from school.
There were days when i honestly question whether we were in the right mind to decide that i stay home for the children,that perhaps my critics were right in saying that i am breaking my husband's neck by me not working a regular full-time job.Sometimes i also wondered perhaps i really was not eligible to be a stay home mom because it is not like my husband earns a lot,according to Singapore's standard.But the indelible marks left behind by a traumatic childhood being fostered out to another family probably played a major part in helping us decide how we want to bring up our kids,and our profession as teachers--the sad stories of wayward youths who craved for parental attention and love that was not present in their lives.
Some people cannot understand why we are making life so 'difficult' for ourselves,when we can easily outsource our children and still earn money,and eventually,they say,the children will still know who their parents are.And of course to have the financial means to provide our children with the 'qulaity of life'. I mean no offence at all to parents who work,we live in different circumstances and thus we make different decisions,and i totally respect working moms since i used to be one myself.
There were days that i had to put up with implicit and/or explicit hints for me to return to work from my critics,days when all i really wanted was a pat on the shoulder for carrying a toddler(whose new fad is to attempt somersaults while in my sarong carrier) and a temperamental preschooler,many heavy bags of grocery across the mall,for dragging my extremely tired carcass to give tuition to supplement our income, for having to take care of the household and everthing else-days when all i needed was a word of comfort,a word of encouragement,but many often what i get were unsolicited advice on how i could do better,on how i should go back to work and why my kids were sick/skinny/fat/too little hair,whether it is because i didnt wash my hands/wear a mask/feed them too little/too much/i should have watered their head more so hair would grow?
Just yesterday,somebody said,'Ay(i dont even have a name now),it was drizzling today,so did caleb have a raincoat? Then what about Ian?' If anyone cared,it was whether the 2 boys were doing ok,whether their useless mom actually have enough sense to shield them from the natural elements...but nobody asked if the mother got drenched from the rain so that her kids can have shelter and have to nurse a oncoming vicious flu now.
I dont know.The past year was a tiring,excruciating, and lonely emotional roller coastal ride.I had to cope with the lost sense of self-esteem that was so tied to working and earning a regular income,the loneliness of having nobody to ask when i am lost as to what to do with my children sometimes,and the anger and frustration of having to cope with people who want me to live life the way they lived.But it has become very clear to me why i am staying at home.And i do not think i will ever regret this decision. In my darkest days,my husband said this,'You will never regret the decision to stay home,it will be one of the best decisions of your life'.
And thank you friends,for being my cheerleaders.
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Back to food, to my pleasant surprise,it turned out quite nice.Sweet and sour taste,a must-try for people suffering from constipation.
I used:
3 cups of water(600ml)
5 sweet prunes,cut into halves,but retain seeds in them
2 pears,skinned and cut
2 tomatoes,cut into quarts
2 carrots,chopped coarsely
pork soft bones(abt $4 worth)
Throw everything in,chant abracadabra,Tyan's Strange Concoction is ready.I like it because i actually closed my eyes for a neccessary snooze while cooking this.HA.
rainsocks from Singapore
Hi Tyan. Being a SAHM is not easy, I know. Even when we get past the critics, it is our own emotional battle we have to fight every single day when we wake up in the morning. Anyway, one of these days we should get together perhaps at your mom's place for a mini-playgroup. :-)
5 Mar 2008 5:27am
@rainsocks: yes yes and my sister can make quiche for all of us!
Sue from Singapore
Hi Babe, I love your frank commentary. In fact, I think you are a very gifted person. You have done well at work before and now as a stay-home mom. Not many people can achieve what you have done/are doing. Perhaps they can't believe your capability. They probably will never understand but from my perspective, I think you are a role model for stay home mom's like myself as we can learn a lot from your experiences. You may not know this, but knowing you online and reading your blog has taught me so much. You are a blessing ;) a great blessing to many!
5 Mar 2008 5:30am
@Sue: thank you very much Sue,i never thought i can be an examplary to anyone,i also struggle and fall along the way,thank you for walking with me along this journey,i hope everything is well with you!:)
e. from New York, NY, United States
Keep strong! Many people are insensitive and think they know everything. Be your own person and follow your own beliefs. :)
5 Mar 2008 5:32am
Michael Skorulski from Cigel, Slovakia
I like your writeup. It sounds like you have really learned from your past what to do and what not to do with your kids. Kids need at least one parent with them when they are young.
5 Mar 2008 6:04am
May Hsin from Australia
Hiya, when i read your post, the tune of ‘世上只有妈妈好’ came to my mind. Your kids are blessed. Press on sis, for God's glory. =)
5 Mar 2008 10:27am
@May Hsin: thank you sister for your kind words;) you are still in my thoughts nowadays,hope everything is ok at your side:)
Tricia from Melbourne, Australia
to struggle is only normal and each of us have different struggles. but you know for sure that down the road, you'll definitely see the fruits of your labour - how awesome men your boys have grown up to be. (:
also with your concoction, is it a soup or a dessert?
5 Mar 2008 12:18pm
@Tricia: its a soup dear!Haha,hope i didnt spoil your appetite with this one:)
Lilly from United States
Very interesting words, and an eve more interesting recipe! I bet it works wonders!
Have a great day!
5 Mar 2008 1:14pm
Viewfinder from Bradenton, United States
What an honest testimony, tyan! You are a remarkable person. As for your concoction... well, I think I would like the shrimp dish better. ;o)
5 Mar 2008 1:20pm
Tse Min from Melbourne, Australia
I'm sure it's well worth the effort down the road. You may not reap the harvest now, but you will later. There are times when ignorance is a blessing. I'm sure you'll know when are the times for that. Stay strong!!!
On another note, your strange concoction does sound rather strange. Prune in soup?!!!!! I'd suppose, prune helps constipation. (:
5 Mar 2008 9:41pm
@Tse Min: haha yes i know it sound weird,prune in soup!I was just trying my luck and throwing in whatever i found in my fridge,thank God nobody threw the soup up after drinking it!:)
Rebecca from Leicester, United Kingdom
Hmmm, must agree with others above that somehow I do prefer yesterday’s dish (although in my nauseous condition right now, I’m really not in a position to properly appreciate food!), although I do feel there is something warmly appealing too about this lovely soup which methinks is great for our bout of cold weather. :)
Your sharing expresses a lot of what I feel too. Being a SAHM is indeed a daily challenge and struggle, including, as rainsocks rightly points out, even after critics are silenced, struggle within ourselves every morning we wake up, how we really think about ourselves, whether we're being foolish to make these sacrifices especially when we see our peers surging ahead in their career advancement and financial 'worth', whether we’re wasting our talents and training, especially where we have been successful career women before, whether we should just give it up and join the majority. I empathise with what you shared. Speaking for myself personally, it is a daily battle to keep my mind and heart set on the right perspective and priorities, and sometimes the only way to manage in any real way and keep persevering is to leave aside all that is not helpful, all that only serves to discourage us from persevering on in what we know is right, and to hold on to what is helpful and encourages us to carry on, and then just get on with it. I think rainsocks’ suggestion is a helpful one. Do arrange playdates together if you can. It’s a great way for the little ones to interact, enjoy forming friendships and spend more of their childhood in a carefree and caring atmosphere with mommy close by and hopefully not too stressed, at least not as stressed as one would be home alone. (I try to arrange playdates for Elise at least a couple of times a week, which is not always easy, because most of my mommy friends here also work, though mostly part-time, and it's a matter of arranging playtimes on the days they're not at work. Even working part-time is not an option for me, although sometimes I feel it would be the ideal solution of balancing Elise's and the household's needs with mine, because there isn't family close by who can care for Elise whilst I'm working, and I am not keen to leave her at this young age with the nursery/childcare. Now with our second one on the way, working part-time at all has become even more of a near-impossibility, and it is not an easy struggle for me everyday when I think about what I'm missing out on.. But enough about me.). I’ve said many times before and still mean it and repeat it here, Tyan you’re doing a fantastic job and you’re a WONDERFUL mom in a multitude of ways. Caleb and Ian are truly so blessed that you’re their mom, so don’t give up. Keep persevering, dear comrade. God sees your sacrifice and love for your children, even if/when nobody else does, and His is the only opinion that really counts in the end!
5 Mar 2008 11:12pm
@Rebecca: Thank you so much Becky for encouraging me in this way,please do go ahead and share about yourself,i am interested to listen.Nothing beats the knowledge that somebody out there too is struggling and hanging on to her role and calling as a mother,i know you know what i am saying and i know you will understand.As for playdates,perhaps i am not trying hard enough,but i really have so few mommy friends,I am 28 this year,and most of my friends are still partying away.Just last month,my secondary school friends asked if i wanted to go clubbing with them.Most of the mommy friends i know were from my ex-workplace,all of whom are still working full time.I tried to join my church's mummy group but i couldnt fit into the timing,as it was in the afternoons,when my kids take their nap and i have no help to lug them all the way to the west,where they have their gatherings.After a while,they stopped informing me of their gatherings but i am still hoping one day i can finally make it.Caleb loves to play with his cousins,my bro's daughters,but they do not come regularly to my mom's place,and recently,my sis-in-law has taken to telling her daughter in my presence not to play with Caleb,i am not sure why,because i didnt think Caleb was aggressive at all.It hurts a lot when my own brother treats my kids this way,who has never called my children by name nor carried them; and my usual reaction is to withdraw and close up,like a hermit crab.I met some mommies of Caleb's classmates but they are busy as well,and i dont now how we can meet up for playdates.So far,the best is walking with a mom together to the train station and letting our kids mingle in that short 5-10 minutes.i pray that God will provide,in his own timing,if He is willing,for me to have some kind of interaction with other mommies.:)
Judy from Brooksville-Florida,, United States
Tyan, your writing is wonderful, and a healthy outlet for dealing with the frustrations over those who put monetary gain ahead of motherly love. It is not easy to be surrounded by pre-schoolers day in and day out with little adult conversation. However, being a MOTHER is the most important job in the world and I am certain God is smiling down on you for your dedication (and your husband's) to your family.
One of our AM3 users turned 42 yesterday and while that may sound 'old' to you, before you know it, your boys will be grown and you'll be that age. Find the blessings in each day and as 'they say' ... don't sweat the small stuff.
I hope your bout with the flu is short-lived and that you can hold your head up through the days long enough to do what you must for your boys. ... God bless you, Tyan!
6 Mar 2008 10:01am
Judy from Brooksville-Florida,, United States
PS: I forgot to mention you pork and fruit soup. I'll bet it was tasty!
A long time ago I had a recipe for prune-stuffed pork that was delicious!
6 Mar 2008 10:02am
Lorraine from Gatineau, Canada
Looks Tasty...consider that there are trillions of billions of human beings who each have their own thoughts and who quickly judge, it's not worth worrying about it, it's simply laid out to all of us: Thou shalt not judge!
Be good to yourself ;)
6 Mar 2008 12:25pm
bwee from Singapore
What u said is v true. It is definitely not easy being a SAHM. I hv rejoined the workforce after 1.5yrs of being a SAHM. Though it was trying, now thinking back, I really miss those times I hv spent with my little gal. Despite the loss of income, I never regret taking the leave because my rationale is that while money can be earned back, we can never turn back the clock of their childhood...
13 Mar 2008 8:32pm
Canon IXUS 40
1/200 second
F/2.8
6 mm