Tyan's Photoblog
Treasure in my hands
Posted by tyan (Singapore, Singapore) on 22 March 2008 in Abstract & Conceptual.
These days,temper runs high in the house. I mean mine. I have never been into the 'screaming and shouting and beating' method with my boys but this week,i find myself raising my voice a lot.
Caleb for some reason is in the 'repetitive phase' recently--he keeps repeating a statement again and again even though i have answered him the first time he said it.For example,yesterday,he started chanting while we were out,
'Mummy,i want to go animal zoo.'
'No we can't,we have no car and the zoo is very far away.Mummy needs to work later'
'Mummy,i want to go animal zoo.'
'Mummy,i want to go animal zoo.'
'Mummy,i want to go animal zoo.'
'Mummy,i want to go animal zoo.'
He said it for at least another 20 minutes.
'Caleb,can you please stop repeating yourself,you only have to say it once and I HAVE ALREADY SAID NO!'
'Mummy,i want to go animal zoo.'
No,the distracting-him-with-other-things method didnt work.
Then Ian started wriggling in the sarong,threatening to cry if i did not put him down and let him walk.
'Mummy,i want to go animal zoo.'
Caleb is becoming more assertive and less compliant,and Ian never seemed to be compliant.And now that the 2nd one has learnt to walk,it has become more stressful than ever to cope.When i was teaching yesterday,Caleb started bawling,a bit cranky after his nap,'I want to watch Thomas Train'
Ian refused to abdicate his throne on my thighs.
'Mummy,thomas train'
'Can you see that mummy is teaching?'
'Mummy,thomas train'
And so i was entertaining a toddler who is pretending he is a gymnast and my thighs his trampoline,and a preschooler who is chanting incessantly for thomas train,barney and bob the builder.And a distracted student who is amused by us 3 clowns.
And so i have been suffering from frayed nerved and a totally fused temper this week.
I read from the papers yesterday that many parents nowadays are slapping their kids with a court summon nowadays as 'Beyond Parental Control' and relinquishing their parental responsibilities to the Juvenile Court.
A mother was featured yesterday for bringing her 7-year-old boy to the court as 'Beyond Parental Control(BPC)' because he had not listened to her and refused to attend school.
Some other minor reasons for parents to apply for BPC are their kids not doing their homework,talking back to them,and playing truant for just a day.
There seems to be an increasing number of parents who are quick to hand their parenting responsibilities to the law.It was reported that the relationship between the mother and her 7-year-old was one of 'shouting,screaming and nagging'.Even at the court,the mother shouted,'You see,you see,for not listening to me earlier..'
I shudder at the thought that i could become the next 'screaming,shouting and nagging mother' and my sons 'Beyond Parental Control' in future.
Love,patience,kindness,goodness.
Love,patience,kindness,goodness.
Love,patience,kindness,goodness.
Love,patience,kindness,goodness.
i think Caleb's repetitive bug stung me too.
Xinyi from Singapore
dun get so worried n angry la.. perhaps caleb has reached the age where he will feel jealous when attn is given to your tutition kids etc.. gotta teach him n talk to him ( when he's in the mood to listen) about the undesirable behaviours that he have..
22 Mar 2008 5:31am
e. from New York, NY, United States
:( *hug* I think it's normal for kids to reach those stages. Don't worry, I'm sure it'll work itself out.
22 Mar 2008 6:19am
Sue from Singapore, Singapore
I can understand what that's all about. My eldest went through the same thing. Thankfully its just a passing phase and Caleb will move on to something else. It's exasperating isn't it? Hang in there, there is nothing much we can do except, ignore it with patience. BTW, I really love your Wanton mee pic yesterday. It made me drool...cos its one of my fav dishes! I can't believe you can do it so well :) Well done Tyan! You have my respect.
22 Mar 2008 8:49am
Lorraine from Gatineau, Canada
children are children, don't worry the repetitive stage ends...and then of course you littlest one will begin, that's just the way it is. Best thing to do is to tell him to say it again but louder this time, after a few harrowing screams, he'll stop ;) lol
22 Mar 2008 10:27am
Judy from Brooksville-Florida,, United States
I had to smile while reading Lorraine's suggestion that Caleb speak louder each time. Hmmm, that might start a trend you don't want. <grin>
They do outgrow these stages, but it's very trying on Mom while waiting.
I think your new 'mantra' is a good one.
Love, patience, kindness, goodness.
Love, patience, kindness, goodness.
Love, patience, kindness, goodness.
Love, patience, kindness, goodness.
You have all of those qualities, Tyan - draw from your inner strength and just love 'im through it!
Warm hugs..........
22 Mar 2008 1:14pm
Tricia from Melbourne, Australia
i cant completely understand about how kids can be so naughty these days and why society is like that but i guess all i can leave you with is
1 Corinthians 13:4-7
"4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."
i'm sure you'll be fine tyan. (:
22 Mar 2008 1:53pm
Elle from Sydney, Australia
:) I don't know, but I somehow referred to the treasure in your hands to your children. No matter how naughty they can be, they'll always be your treasure. I hope you'll get through this!
22 Mar 2008 2:00pm
Nancy from Singapore
Guess it's becos of the presence of the student that's stressing you out. I've also noticed that Robyn doesn't take it well if i raise my voice at her. I need to remind myself not to shout at her (very difficult...guess it's occupation hazard).
What I got her to do is to 'promise' by hooking our little pinkies to get her to behave. Guess what she did today? I promise that she'll get her mashmallows if she finish drinking her milk..it was to get her to finish her milk. Then she replied 'No promise.'. I really dun know whether to laugh or to be angry with her. Gosh! This must be the start of their tyrant three....:p
22 Mar 2008 2:40pm
Chris from South Jersey, United States
Wonderful image that ties very well to your story - your children are your true treasure but it is hard sometimes to remember that. It does help to remember that the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.
You will get through the trying times (and more will come!) - God will see you through.
22 Mar 2008 3:26pm
Rabbit from Richmond, United States
Tiz a lovely image.
hummm i have to think on the repeating bug - i remember doing it and my mother does not give in (which was excellent) however i'm trying to think what made me stop? I would think if i did it too many times i prob ended up with a spanking on my bottom. I never received that many spakings but the few did make me understand that - OH YES SHE WILL DO IT. a spanking on the bottom never hurt any child.... i do understand tho if you do not want to go that route.
I send you lots of love to help in seeing a way to win this fight.
22 Mar 2008 11:53pm
bronzebilly u.k. from Barry,Vale of Glamorgan, United Kingdom
Hey tyanmoon..Unclebilly popping in..put the kettle on..
I gotta say this m'lady..this shot and narrative .is the best I've ever seen on this p/blog..it's so full of wit and foresight ...I luvs it m'lady...fantastic..
Unclebilly...
23 Mar 2008 1:40am
bronzebilly u.k. from Barry,Vale of Glamorgan, United Kingdom
hey tyanmoon...b.t.w.this is the line that did it for me:-
"Ian refused to abdicate his throne on my thighs"..wonderfully poetic..
Unclebilly.
23 Mar 2008 1:42am
Viewfinder from Bradenton, United States
tyan, first a very special Happy Easter wish for you and your loved ones. Resurrection can make us remember the newness which our God brings, even to frustrating parent/child relations and stages. That you are in a "stage" with Caleb and Ian is clear. Boyish competition among siblings, or just plain old cantankerousness, it's frustrating. But this too shall pass. Best way to extinguish unwanted behaviors is to ignore and not reward them. Such as unwanted repetitions (don't reward by showing any frustration)... be inscrutible during a repetition bout. Turn your back. Put on earphones. Pick up the phone and walk into another room. Make no eye contact. When Caleb shifts to a more positive activity, then become attentive.
23 Mar 2008 2:43am
Porcsin from Debrecen, Hungary
Nice shot and afterwork!
I like the report too! ;)
23 Mar 2008 10:31am
Rebecca from Leicester, United Kingdom
I agree with VF’s advice above. Take heart, dear Tyan. God will give you the strength to carry on. I also want to say thank you for all your lovely thoughts and words at my blog these past months. I appreciate them, and continue to wish you all the very best in your SAHM-ing, which really you are doing brilliantly, however contrary you may feel at times. I will no longer be on Am3, but you will be in my thoughts and prayers. Very happy and blessed Easter to you and all your dear ones too. God bless always.
23 Mar 2008 7:43pm
Rags from Plano, United States
Hang in there tyan. Being a mom is not easy and so i salute you. I suspect that one day, your sons will have a photoblog and they will be complaining about how out of control you and your husband are. : )
24 Mar 2008 4:01am
Michael Skorulski from Cigel, Slovakia
I like the glow of the jewelry in your hands. Looks like you"re experiencing very normal problems of child raising. Just temporary.
24 Mar 2008 5:33am
rainsocks from Singapore
Patience.... when it's my turn next, I'll make sure I read this entry of yours again and remind myself that it's a phase that I will get through... with "Love, patience, kindness, goodness".. :-)
24 Mar 2008 9:48am
Canon IXUS 40
1/20 second
F/2.8
6 mm