Tyan's Photoblog
Caleb and me
Posted by tyan (Singapore, Singapore) on 8 April 2008 in Miscellaneous.
We went to the food court with a view at Central after watching the musical last week. We left Ian with my mom's helper for a few hours so we could bring Caleb for the play and for a long time,i have forgotten how it feels like to just manage ONE kid,and my,it was so easy i found myself thinking that it was so easy! And it felt kind of weird not to feel stressed, but definitely refreshing!
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I was in a foul mood yesterday. It was not because i spent a lot of time sweltering under the sun, barely recovering from a bad flu,fetching Caleb to and fro his school, wondering if my heart might just stop beating from sheer exhaustion one of these days. It was also not because Caleb snatched a one dollar coin from Ian,causing the younger boy to fall flat on his face,causing a big bruise on his forehead. It was also not because i spent about another hour having my brain fried under the sun, making my way to my mom's place, where i gave tuition. It was definitely not because Ian slept only for a while and got cranky for the remaining afternoon, nor was it even because for an hour, i was left in the lurch with a chatterbox, a cranky toddler who wants his mommy to carry him all the time, and 2 students who seemed to be engaged in a competition called "Let's-see-who-gets-most-of-teacher's attention". It also was not because i get 2 or 3 fresh bruises on my legs or hands almost every day because the boys step all over,literally; or do the flying fox on me.Well, at least not completely.
But what really blew me up was how some people make derogatory remarks about mothers staying at home. I shouldn't be surprised. There are just so many examples. First, the shopowner who looked as if i just committed treason when i said i stay home to care for my kids full time. Secondly, the person who told me only 2 kinds of women have the privilege to stay at home---the uneducated and those whose husbands are so rich they didnt have to work. Thirdly, the government who has been taking extensive measures to woo women back to work, giving twice the amount of childcare subsidies to working moms compared to their domesticated counterparts.
People may not say it outright, but in the choices they make, the words they say, they show that homemakers belong to the lower form of cell life. They assume that people who give up their jobs to care for their children had less than fulfilling careers, enjoyed little recognition at work and were poorly paid. They have no idea that many of these stay home moms have left behind rewarding careers which they totally love; where they were being held in high regard,getting big fat paychecks every month,financial independence and fulfilling interaction with colleagues. They have exchanged all these to be at home full time to cope with temperamental toddlers and babies,change diapers,cope with the loss of sense of self worth connected to working, and of course undeserved criticisms on why on earth they received such high education only to sing ABC and act silly!
If you measure everything in dollars and cents,then let me tell you this,IT WILL NEVER,EVER be 'worth it' to stay home. Some people may have romantic ideas about being a stay home mom. What they never realise is that when she gets past people's criticisms,she has face her own fears and insecurities that may come along with giving up a job.
In other words,some people who think that they will only consider the option of staying at home because they are not 'happy',not 'properly recognized',not 'highly paid' in their jobs,are implying that the children are only as important if you are not flying high in your career,that being a full time mom is an inferior option!
On one hand, they applaud the homemaker as the heroine,the wonderful mother and wife who cooks well and takes care of all the needs of the family,a vocation that they 'wish' they can enter.On the other hand,their words and actions show that it was a venture they will enter only if their careers failed or have nothing better to do!
Why can't they say what they mean?
Mandy Provan from Johannesburg, South Africa
Hey There Ty!!! I am playing catch up and was checking out your last few posts....great stuff posted here my friend. I hope the teaching is going okay at the moment and you are feeling a little less stressed and appreciated.
Being a stay at home mom is often very challenging as you have to put up with other people's criticisms - believe me I get the odd dig about being a stay at home mom too. But what we have to try and remember is that we're doing it for our kids! We're making their world a better place and that it's their welfare that we are concerned about! God has placed us in the homes we are in and He has blessed us with the Children we have....... It is His desire for us to grow and nurture our children into Men and Women with a love and deep understanding of His love and mercy. Try not to let the thoughts and ideas of people around you get you down. In the end it is God's opinion that matters and I can guanrantee you that He is far more pleased that you are at home with the little souls He's entrusted to your care. So chin up and remember that being a mom is a noble profession....because, if you don't nurture those two beautiful boys into the kind, compassionate men of intergity every woman wants to marry - who will? :)
8 Apr 2008 7:42am
Sue from Singapore, Singapore
Hi Dear, reading your post makes me remember how much I miss my work life too and how much I have also had to endure, putting up with the remarks. It's was terrible at first but now I have adopted the "in one ear, out the other" approach. Tough but it works, especially when you have so many other things to do. You have so many supporters in your AM3 buddies and that is one of God's gifts to you.
I believe that God is allowing you to excel in looking after your kids at an early age, so that you can give them your best and in the process heal yourself of whatever trauma you had faced when you were younger.
I am with you in prayers. BTW, will be away next week but will catch up when I am back :)
8 Apr 2008 9:25am
Man With 101 Names from Hamburg, United States
This is a FANTASTIC collage , I love you and your son's smiles !!
8 Apr 2008 2:13pm
Rabbit from Richmond, United States
You and your son are adorable love your glasses too.
I must say i will definitely be more prepared for the criticisms of others after reading how every day you are looked down upon for being a good mother and doing the right thing, staying home and actually being a mom to your sweet kids. When the time comes that i may have children i want to stay home and raise them. I think our modern world has become very selfish and forgotten that having kids is a sacrifice especailly if you want them to grow up with any good morals.
Kids that are all grown up now have typically self-centered and just down right crappy attitudes. no one is humble anymore and forget giving a helping hand. They will step on it just to get to the next level and look down on you like you are weak.
What do i have to say about that? Well - i say we are good people and in the end we will be the ones remembered for being so loving and helpful, by others and most importantly our children and family.
Do stay strong and take care,
rabbit
8 Apr 2008 2:16pm
Nancy from Singapore
Be strong and believe in your decision. You're doing the right thing! Nothing is more impt than family. :) And you look good too!
Robyn's been sick every month since she started childcare. We thought she'll get better but she seems to be just coughing and coughing non-stop for the past few mths. Just brought her to see the doc again, she's got ear infection again and needs to start on another course of anti-biotics. Doc suggested that we can consider letting her stay at home to fully recover. When I told MIL, she was so quick to say that it's not the centre's fault. Can't stand it...I replied that of cos it's not the centre's fault, it's just that Robyn's immune system is not strong. And earlier today, she commented how children nowadays are so weak and falling sick so frequently. She said when our generation (us) started K1, we didn't fall sick so often. I had to remind her that there was a difference of 2 years of the immune system building up between then and now. Kids now, go to childcare from latest 3 y/o...of cos will fall sick frequently compared to a 5 y/o kid.
8 Apr 2008 2:49pm
yunhann from Singapore
hey mdm chee!
its been so long since i've had time to drop by your blog and i am so glad to see you showing your beautiful face as its always pictures of your two boys growing and playing about. stay strong, healthy and happy! hope to visit you soon:) LOVES.
8 Apr 2008 3:07pm
Tse Min from Melbourne, Australia
what cute shots they are!!!!!! caleb and ian is so fortunate to have u as their mama.
8 Apr 2008 10:45pm
Shiyun from Singapore
Hey.. don' think I'm the first to say- YOU LOOK GOOD! Yeah, you are looking good and happy in these photos! Stay that way, sista! Regardless of what others are saying, I hope and pray that you'll remain joyful in the Lord, as you contd in your current position in life :) SMILE!
9 Apr 2008 4:19am
@Shiyun: :)
i am already planning the menu for our dinner.haha.
bwee from Singapore
Oh tyan...I know what you mean. Let's not too bothered by what people say abt SAHMs - so long we know we are doing the best for our kids! Even though I m working now, I always look back on my SAHM days with fond memories despite all the unglamourous household challenges like you mentioned. Who knows, I may just go on NPL again for my second one! heehee...
9 Apr 2008 6:53am
bwee from Singapore
btw I think u r so capable to take care of Ian and Caleb all by yrself. I hv yet to figure out how to venture out on my own with the 2 little ones. one hand to push the younger one in the stroller; one hand to hold on the older one?? v tricky ley! *lol*
9 Apr 2008 11:08am
@bwee: LOL,i have no help so got to survive somehow.i remember when i 1st started taking care of both by myself and going out with them by myself,i made heads turn.LOL.Sometimes i see one kid accompanied by the mother,the grandmother,the grandfather,the husband and the maid,i felt terrible.LOL.I experimented with lots of stuff.First it was caleb in stroller and i sarong ian,then it was sarong one and hand hold one.Now that my shoulders are swollen from carrying ian too much and caleb sometimes doesnt want to walk,i put ian in stroller and caleb sits on the frame of the stroller,on which i put a towel to cushion it.great workout.no wonder i lost 12 kg.but i think the weight loss made me very tired and low.
xinyi from Singapore
dearie, you look so pretty!! u look like caleb's sis!! hahaha.. dun need to bother bout wat pple say as long as u believe what u do is right!! >_< i should be able to take 1 day off( finally) after my event.. will pop if my boss grant me the day off...
10 Apr 2008 2:42am
@xinyi: wah you business very big already.like very busy leh.wait for you ya
Nishana Minhaz from Calicut, India
I love this collage, Tyan.. The affection and the bonding is so evident here. And about the criticisms, u really shouldn't pay attention to them. Easier said than done I know, but still.. The strange thing is, out here working moms are the ones who get the blame. Moms who start working while their kids are small are looked down upon.. I'm not saying one thing is better than the other, but I guess its all bout the kind of person you are, whether a working mom or a stay-at-home mom. My mom dint work until my brother n me grew up, but I guess she'd have managed pretty well even if she had been working. She's too wonderful a woman :)
Forgot to mention, u look great in these pics.. keep smiling!
10 Apr 2008 5:49am
Lorraine from Gatineau, Canada
You're beautiful and smart and caring...People forget that 'Thou shalt not judge' is one of God's ten commandments...we can't judge one another we are not knowledgeable enough to do so...so hang in there!
13 Apr 2008 9:20am
