Time For Everything

Posted by tyan (Singapore, Singapore) on 29 June 2008 in Abstract & Conceptual.

A Time for Everything
1 There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under heaven:
2 a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,

3 a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,

4 a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,

5 a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain,

6 a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,

7 a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,

8 a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.
~Ecclesiates 3:1-8

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These days I wonder again if I was 'wasting' the 'best years' of my life staying at home for the kids. It hits me extra hard when I see a pretty young mom dressed in powersuit and high heels walking her kid to the childcare centre; when my mom scolds me for letting my husband take care of the boys for an afternoon while I give tuition; when I am questioned on what i put inside the food my kids eat, whether it was nutritious enough, whether it will choke them, and hey why are you feeding them water when they are still eating?!

It hits me hard when I look at the papers and saw how much tertiary education is going to cost in 20 years time; when my mom or my husband's mom tells me that giving tuition is not work because there is no CPF and it is not a regular 'thing'; or when i have to fill up the 'Occupation' bit on lucky draw forms--should I write 'Teacher' or 'Private Tutor' or come on,call a spade a spade--'Housewife'?!

And what lofty ideas about showing the kids flashcards and teaching phonics everyday, about whipping up a 4 course neat meal plus dessert and fruit for the kids go out of the window because i hardly have time to go to the loo myself.

And so back to that age-old question,am i wasting my best years being a mom to my boys because hey since some people have nothing good to say about my mothering,perhaps I am really wasting everybody's time here?

And of course I do not blog about how sometimes I start crying while i pushed the stroller with my kids from the doctor's, or how i lock myself in the nursing room at the shopping mall so i can start bursting into tears? Well, that is way too unglam.

A friend shared a quotation which i really liked,'The mother gives up all she could be so that her children would be.'On bad days like these, I actually found myself thinking,'Why should I be the one to give up all i could be? SO that they would be? Why should i care how they would be?'

Someone shared her insight and I was greatly enlightened,

'After all,children should not have to save up for their parents but parents for their children.So i will very gladly spend myself for you everything i have and expend myself as well.'~2 Corinthians 12:14-15

At the end of the day,it is whether we are only willing to act as parents only if it is done at our convenience or if it doesnt cost us anything. Parenting is a season of sacrifice, which ends only when the children are matured and it is a call to finish this season of sacrifice.

And so there are days when i feel this season is too hard for me to finish, but i can trust that though God may not remove the struggles i go through,He will help me to go through them till the end.

Comments (16)

Jinhao from Singapore

HI XU LAO SHI, glad tt u r enlightened, it's hard to be a gd parent, but i hope u can hang on for caleb n ian! Anyway i'm oso looking for students to give tuition now, can you intro me if u gt extra students to spare? or can u giv me the number of the tuition agency if u happen to get ur students thru tt? thankS!

29 Jun 2008 5:16am

@Jinhao: hi,i haven't heard from you for a long time.Still in army now?Let me know the subjects you are going to/willing to teach,your rates,any area preferences,your commitment(r u going to continue when u go to the uni,etc.) You came too late,i turned down abt 2-3 students some time back because i couldnt cope.Why dont you email me then we can talk more.No,i didnt get my students from agency.

Lorraine from Gatineau, Canada

I once read that on average '85% of the people will like you for the wrong reasons. 10% will dislike you for the wrong reasons. Only 5% will actually like you for the right reasons. The 5% are the only people whose opinion you should care about....Or something like that. You're doing the best you can Tyan, and that's admirable. Don't second guess yourself sweetie

29 Jun 2008 8:53am

Ronnie 2¢ from London, United Kingdom

Interesting thoughts here but what you don't know were the thoughts of powersuit-woman. Was she headed for exhilarating fulfillment or just another frantic, wasted day? At the End, our children are the the only thing of true value we leave behind.

29 Jun 2008 2:25pm

Judy from Brooksville-Florida,, United States

Dear Tyan, I am happy you have this place to vent your feelings. I admire your openness and honesty.
God knows of your struggles, and having two young ones day in and day out is NOT EASY!
I want to repeat what I was told maybe 43 years ago, "Little children equal little problems ... bigger kids ... " well you can finish that yourself.
Your sons are totally dependent on you at this stage of your life and yes, you give up everything for them because you brought them into this world. This stage will NOT last forever and believe it or not, it won't be too many years before you will look back and relish these 'simply' yet draining times.
I missed most, not career challenges, but the adult conversation when ours were young. There were days I wanted to blabber like a two-year-old, whining so someone would take care of ME.
God, however, had other plans and most times I could lean on Him and his understanding.

Sooooooooooo, "So I will very gladly spend myself for you everything I have and expend myself as well." ~2 Corinthians 12:14-15

Warm hugs, Judy

29 Jun 2008 9:24pm

bronzebilly u.k. from Barry,Vale of Glamorgan, United Kingdom

Hey tyanmoon..you do the best job on Earth,pal...and well,as is reflected in your ace shots of you and hub and the little cheekyones....chin up..chest out..be proud m'lady.....
Unclebilly...

29 Jun 2008 10:12pm

Tse Min from Melbourne, Australia

We were never promised a rosy life. We were promised that God will be there with you during the bumpy rides. And also, *drum roll* He will NEVER forsake you. So, hang in there! 20 years from now, you'll be crying tears of joy at their graduation and thinking, I'm glad I spent the best of my years with the boys and what might men of God they have turned out to be.

30 Jun 2008 2:07am

Viewfinder from Bradenton, United States

Dear tyan, your wrestling with God and your role as stay at home mom is an honest admission of your humanity. No matter how much we love our children, there are times when having the responsibility for raising them and dealing with their daily needs and demands can be draining. You would be less than human if this were not so. But it is clear that you are a loving and devoted mother to your boys. And it is clear that all those who have advice and opinions on your parenting practices have no idea what it is really like to walk in your shoes, or any desire to try. So as we often say, "talk is cheap." My feeling is this: "pay them no mind" and remember what the Apostle Paul said as your wrestle with your feelings on this matter: "I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me." Blessings.

30 Jun 2008 3:06am

e. from New York, NY, United States

Beautiful black and white! I think that some of the "best years of your life" are most likely with your children. You're a wonderful mother, and I'm sure that once they're all grown up, you'll look back and miss these days. I know my mom does. :)

30 Jun 2008 3:07am

Ras from Plano, United States

beautiful b/w. The timing was just right :)

30 Jun 2008 5:38am

Sue from Singapore

Hi Dear Tyan,

I was almost on the verge of tears when I read this. I am thinking really hard of what I can say to you now to help you through. All your friends comments above are very valid and very real. Even I am learning from their words of wisdom. I felt this way many a time and once my mentor told me this - people will always have an opinion. Even when you work, they will say, you never spent time with the kids. When you don't, you are wasting the precious income-making years away, that's what they say.

I have come to realize that there is no perfect solution because this is life - all flawed and imperfect. My Mum would often tell me till today - don't listen to what others have to say, because if you do, you would carry those burdens in your heart and you would never enjoy the mothering process. I think she made a lot of sense. Others are always bound to have some opinion or other and we can never change that nor deprive them of the right to their opinions no matter how wrong they may seem to us.

My ex sunday school teacher told me that I should not be ashamed to be a full time mum because "motherhood is a service to God". Tyan, you are very priviledged to be chosen to bring up God's children, hold on to that faith!

At the end of the day, what other's say is not important . What is crucial is whether your hubby supports you in this quest and whether your decision to stay at home brings you peace of mind. Ask yourself:

1) Would you be happy if you go back to work & put the kids with a caregiver?

2) Is your hubby happy with this decision?

3) Is anything at home adversely affected by your present decision to stay home?

These are some of the questions you should ask yourself. Do remember though, working women have totally different issues to face too. There is no perfect solution yet again. What's important is that in whatever decision you make, you do it with the kids and your own happiness in mind. A happy mother creates a happy family. Be strong, my friend. I pray God will give you joy and peace with whatever you do in your life.

As a friend, honestly I say, you are doing very well.

30 Jun 2008 6:09am

Koushiro~光子郎 from Singapore, Singapore

Great Shot there! The caption is tear invoking.... I really don't know what to say... You've said it all...

30 Jun 2008 12:53pm

Jessica from Delhi, India

beautiful : )

thanks for the comment there. by the way that was a sort of window in my college buliding.

30 Jun 2008 2:23pm

Rags from Plano, United States

this image should be in an magazine or something. As far as i am concerned tyan, you are not wasting your time taking care of your children.

30 Jun 2008 2:31pm

Angeline from Singapore

Sometimes I feel this way too especially during bad days & all I get & hear is insensitive remarks & comments especially from parents, siblings, friends & relatives. It's especially hurtful when my own parents are not that supportive of me staying at home full-time. I long so much for their stamp of approval. Sometimes, I feel so alone in this parenting journey. Not many of my friends are at the same stage & situation where I am so can't really share much with them. My only source of 'outlet' is usually my hubby. Like you, I draw my strength from God. It's him who has carrried me through all the fiercest storms.

30 Jun 2008 3:18pm