That's my mummy!

Posted by tyan (Singapore, Singapore) on 8 October 2008 in People & Portrait.

On one of our weekly trips to the public library. This little girl came and made friends with the boys. It is increasingly difficult to bring the boys out together,especially to the library without getting murderous stares from the librarians there. The boys somehow like to play catching or hide and seek at the library,maybe because there are lots of shelves,good for hiding.SIGH.

Most of the time,Caleb is happy to assume the role of Big Brother and help me with Ian, by behaving himself so that i can settle the other one. Nobody has to teach a child to be self-centered, on the contrary, the mom is always on her toes to get the boys to share,care and love each other. Someone just commented that Caleb is very 'rough' and doesn't know how to share with his brother, and that i should go 'consult my friends to teach him that'.

It was to me an unfair and sweeping statement which left me feeling very hurt.It was as if my staying home to nurture and teach the children is in vain and that i didnt do a good job and i needed to get help on that. Maybe somebody could tell the person to go consult her friends how to talk with tact and sensitivity and not making sweeping statements like that.

Oh well. I should just 'one ear in one ear out'. I need to be more thick skinned, else i might end up like the few Korean actresses who killed themselves over what people say.

Comments (16)

rainsocks from Singapore, Singapore

Sharing is a very very difficult skill for a child to master. Even adults have problems sharing. So just relax and ignore all those "comments"... We have better things to do with our kids than get upset with silly people who think they know better. :-)

8 Oct 2008 7:49am

Judy from Brooksville-Florida,, United States

'Rainsocks' is right, but it's not easy. Maybe what the LIBRARY should do is have a childrens' section where a little noise and fun teaches them children are acceptable! xx

8 Oct 2008 10:45am

Lorraine from Gatineau, Canada

Fantastic photo, is there anything more beautiful than a child's delight at showing off his mom...opinions on motherhood are a dime a dozen, you must take them as such, it doesn't matter what they think, it just doesn't. You're a loving, care, nurturing Mom!

8 Oct 2008 11:13am

kylie from Shanghai, China

I agree with Judy about the children's section. Its hard enough encouraging kids to read, and definitely made worse if the library is perceived to be a no fun, no noise kind of place. As for the comments, people find it too easy to judge without having any experience themselves. Just ignore them, your kids are great, and we are all never too old to be learning life skills are we go along. The commenters might want to revisit one skill called Manners, which they seem to be lacking themselves.

8 Oct 2008 11:17am

Nancy from Singapore

And probably Caleb has his reasons for not wanting to share with THAT person? ;)

8 Oct 2008 2:32pm

Viewfinder from Bradenton, United States

Caleb seems to me a very normal, well-adjusted, well-disciplined and definitely well-loved first-born son. And from what you describe, he's simply acting out that role (of first-born). Whoever tried to advise you on his "roughness" would do well to take the advice you posted here, and consult someone on sensitivity and tact.

Patience and long-suffering, that is our role as parents and recipients of such unhelpful advice, and normal, energetic kids.

8 Oct 2008 2:43pm

Stunner from Kingston, Jamaica

LOL! I like this shot.

8 Oct 2008 2:52pm

Mandy Provan from Johannesburg, South Africa

Beautiful shot Ty!! And don't worry about what that very insensitive lady said - she doesn't know what she is talking about!!! You just keep doing the great job you're doing with those boys and one day that lady will have to eat her words as Caleb is just a normal, boisterous little boy!!!!

8 Oct 2008 3:44pm

Rags from Plano, United States

Keep up the good work. You are a great mom!

8 Oct 2008 3:54pm

Alex Caballero from Barcelona, Spain

Me encanta, decirte que el blanco/negro le queda genial...muy lograda, saludos.

8 Oct 2008 5:46pm

MaryB from Staffordshire, United Kingdom

Such a sweet photo Tyan. And please try not to worry about the insensitve people, they are not really bad people, just ignorant and therefore can only express themselves in this negative way. (also if all they have to do is make these comments to you and most likely to other people too, it means that there lives are very empty, and are probably envious of the fact that you are at home with your boy's)
I wonder if all these people who give out advice have kids of there own, and if so, were they little angels, like they think your boy's should be? I doubt it very much.

Big hugs to you Tyan :)

8 Oct 2008 8:20pm

Xinyi from Singapore

dearie.. dun bother bout wat pple say la.. they are not u, they wun understand caleb better than you do..

9 Oct 2008 1:19am

Tricia from Melbourne, Australia

hey tyan, just know that you're a great mommy and great wife okay?? dont let others dictate how you feel because they dont know what you've been through and the things you've done or sacrificed for your family. i know for sure that your husband and kids really do appreciate you. (:

10 Oct 2008 12:24am

Sue from Singapore

Hi Tyan,

I have been through this with my kids and people making the occasional blunt remarks about them being a "handful". One even said upon hearing I have 3 young kids "If I were you, I'd kill myself!" I was like "What??!!"

If Caleb is "rough" as what was claimed, then it will be your role to take care of that...not hers. He's such a young child and by helping you at that age is already a blessing! The comment was unnecessary, the person was insensitive. Children will have their moments no matter what. Parenthood is not about breeding perfect kids...because they can't be perfect. We guide them as they go along to what is right and what is not.

As long as you believe your sacrifice is paying off, other opinions and comments do not matter. Cheer up! You are already doing your best...and that is most important.

Side note: Yes I am very busy packing the mountain myself. Up to my neck with things. Will be leaving on 7 Nov. Will update my blog more often once we have settled in and our computers have arrived.

10 Oct 2008 6:46am