Tyan's Photoblog
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Posted by tyan (Singapore, Singapore) on 26 March 2009 in People & Portrait.
I think I am going through what I would call one of the darkest and lowest moments of my life, I don't really know how I could cope if it were any darker or lower. I think the one thing that keeps people alive is hope,for some,the hope of being loved in return,for others the hope of having a 'better life'. For Christians,the hope that Christ will come back and make every wrong thing right again, that He will heal every damaged emotion, broken past and remove every tear from our eyes.
Meanwhile,there is also one thing or two that will help compensate the pain a little,such as precious and happy moments like these with Ian and Caleb,a best friend who would sms me regularly to ask me how i was(thanks,K:)), Husband who tries his best to be with me as much as he could and even a strained relationship that is finally on the mend.
The sadness i feel is not really due to child rearing but it may have affected how i see myself as a mom in some ways. On a side-note, I was telling a mom at Caleb's kindy today that I sometimes feel so incompetent as a stay-home mom. I had no problem hosting and organising events, handle a class of 40-over teenagers with overcharged hormones,giving talks to masses etc as a teacher,but I feel so useless as a mom sometimes,when the children keep falling sick,get bumps here and there,not eating the food I cook,misbehave,scream and cry.She actually told me that it doesnt really bother the kids how 'talented' their mothers are taking care of them,but that they really just want their mothers' love,attention and company.
That I will keep on doing until my last breath,God-willing.
Judy from Brooksville, Florida, United States
Dear Tyan ... I feel for you, because there *are* dark moments in our parenting stage of life.
I whole-heartedly support your hope that Christ will make things right again.
How can I convince you that your stay-at-home efforts are not in vain ... that your children (and not your contemporaries) are the beneficiaries?
Those benefits may not be seen for 20 years, but looking back (20 years from now), I assure you, you will not regret giving your boys your time, your heart, your soul. Careers be #*w^&s@@x'd ... money does NOT 'buy' a good mother! God made mothers to love their children, and that is what you are doing on a daily basis! xx
26 Mar 2009 11:25pm
Sue from Sydney, Australia
Hi Tyan, I agree with Judy's comments above. She has really good advice which I have to follow too. Just like you, I am going through an all time low...new country, new roads, new friends, new way of life. I feel useless when my two toddlers do their utmost to throw repeated tantrums. It has been very tough on me emotionally and physically. I think I am insane to go through all this and venture to live in a new country with 3 young kids.
I am not sure how best I can comfort you cos I am not the expert and I myself am a mess but I will continually keep you on my thoughts and pray for you. You have done so much for the boys and I am sure one day you will be appreciated for what you have done. Keep going dear!
27 Mar 2009 1:04am
Shiyun from Singapore
Dear Tyan,
Just tot of sharing a quote I read recently...
"The Christian sometimes sinks very deeply in sore trial from without. Every earthly prop is cut away. What then? Still underneath him are the everlasting arms. He cannot fall so deep in distress and affliction but what the covenant of grace of an ever-faithful God will still encircle him. All through life, and at its close, we shall be upheld by the everlasting arms--arms that neither flag nor lose their strength, for the everlasting God does not faint or grow weary."
:::::Charles Spurgeon:::::
The kind Lord will keep you, and I pray He will keep you strong as a mother,one of the least commended profession yet most important in life.
27 Mar 2009 4:15am
Nancy from Singapore
You've been doing a great job caring for the boys; don't be affected by what others say/ judge you. I'm sure the boys will appreciate your sacrifice. Just look at how happy they are. You've been fantastic! :)
About Robyn...well, I'm not too keen that she's getting so vain. A bit young to start - but at least she would still listen to what we (parents and teachers) tell her. Challenges of raising a girl. :p
27 Mar 2009 6:24am
Mandy Provan from Johannesburg, South Africa
HI Ty, I agree with all the wonderful comments above and want to just tell you that Motherhood has to be the HARDEST profession of all. Only undertaken by the brave and persistent. God is smiling down on your efforts and He is holding you through this terribly difficult time. As Judy said, when you look back on this time in 20 years you will see the good that has resulted from your efforts. We all feel like bad mom's at some point, the key is to remember that You're not a bad mom and that you are the BEST mom that those 2 little boys could ever want. Ask them if they would trade you for another and you would get a resounding NO and a HUGE big sloppy kiss and tight squeeze to go with their answer. Hang in there dear Ty, you are doing a GREAT job- you just have to glance back at the photo's on your blog and see all of those happy smiling pictures of your adorable boys to know that they are the lucky ones!! :)
27 Mar 2009 6:28am
Lorraine from Gatineau, Canada
Nothing to add to these perfectly composed sentiments of the wonderful women above except for 2 things
1) I'm totally charmed by this happy, happy child
2) I love you
27 Mar 2009 10:47am
Viewfinder from Bradenton, FL, United States
I'm a guy, so it's hard to be inside where you are feeling these things. But what I can say of what I know of you tyan, is that you are a creative, loving, attentive, fun, focused mom. And your two boys are thriving. I think your husband might be the first one to tell you this, and maybe he has. But regardless of what others may say, and regardless of nagging doubts the enemy sows in our random thoughts, look at your boys and see the success of your parenting. You could write a great "how-to" parenting book, illustrated with many of the photos you've posted on Am3 of your sons and family together. You are walking with God in all this, and believe me, he is walking with you. It shows. Keep looking up!
27 Mar 2009 4:56pm
Bookfool from Mississippi, United States
I've been where you are and I agree with what the other moms had to say. The fact that you're there for them counts for more than you can imagine. My eldest is now 24 and living on his own. We're just now seeing proof that we did okay. He not only survived having a mother at home (who wasn't really cut out for housewifing) but is thriving. My youngest still needs work. :) There will always be ups and downs as a parent, but you obviously love your children. And, by the way, that is an adorable photo. Big hugs to you.
28 Mar 2009 6:15pm
Hui Zhong from Singapore
Mdm Chee. must jia you! i think mothers are wei da de. celeb and ian will understand next time.mayb now they are too young. cheer up :)
29 Mar 2009 1:21pm
May Hsin from Australia
Hi Tyan, just want to let you know that I'm praying for you.
30 Mar 2009 11:26am
rainsocks from Singapore, Singapore
Hi Tyan.. I know what you mean. Jamie has been sick for more than 1 month.. it's quite crazy. We are going to withdraw him from school, coz' that's prob where all the viruses are coming from. But then Iget quite nervous too, becoz' that means I have to entertain him 24/7 without breaks. Motherhood is.. challenging and tormenting at times. But we know we just have to keep on going strong.. Take care!
30 Mar 2009 2:48pm
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